Forum.forSuicideSurvivors.com

[Tony's Mother]

Perhaps we could post here about things that made us realize we were getting better. This might really help new survivors to know life can actually go on. This has a slightly different slant than the wonderful "things we are proud of" post that follows.

For example, I knew I was getting better when...

1) ...I started wanting to watch happy movies, such as Mamma Mia, and even wanted to dance to the Dancing Queen sequence. This took more than a year.

2. ...I began to focus enough to begin to read again. This took 19 months.

3. ...When listening to music no longer made me cry. This took 18 months.

4. ...When touching his hunting vest did not rip my heart out. That happened this morning, and I thought, "this is important. I need to share this with the group."

Anyone?

Linda
_________________
Linda C.
Message Board Steward

Still Tony's mother
November 8th, 1957 - March 4th, 2008

For a moment he took his eyes off the light and the darkness swallowed him.

[Lilly]

Thank you for this topic.


O.k. I have just past the nine months mark.

I feel I am getting better when,

1. I no longer cry everyday. When I look at his photos, I can be able to smile again. - This takes nine months
2. I still think about my fiance Dean every single day, but not necessarily every second of everyday.
3. When I watch funny movies or shows, (like family guy), I can laugh again.
4. I can be able to go out with friends without feeling guilty
5. I can finally tell myself, "Maybe there is hope for me!" and actually believe it.
_________________
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http://www.slide.com/r/LeFZuF9c7j_goAxyrHC5TyxKgzmrajL5

I never ask for more than your love
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[Hestia]

What a great idea for a thread!

I'm still only 5 1/2 months out from my friend Julia's suicide--it was 5 months on October 10--so I've still got a lot of healing to do, but when I think about it, I can tell that things are slowly getting better. The biggest five indicators for me are:

1. I no longer feel compelled to wear my necklace containing a few of Julia's ashes. I still wear it sometimes, when I'm missing her the most, but not all the time. That took about four months.

2. I've stopped calling J's cell phone every day. For a while a part of me couldn't believe that she wouldn't answer. I'd have to call and get the "this number has been disconnected" message to prove it to myself. Stopping that took about two months.

3. I can watch a Chiefs football game without the memories becoming unbearable. (J used to love football and always had faith in our home team, the Chiefs, no matter how badly they were playing.) That took about five months.

4. I can mention her name in conversation without getting choked up. On a similar note, I can talk to people about the things she said and did without mentioning that her life ended in suicide. That took about five months, too.

5. I no longer feel like I need to attend the suicide survivor support group every time it meets. I still go sometimes, but not every time it meets. That took about four and a half months.
_________________
Peace,
Hestia

*********************
Message Board Steward
*********************

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." -- Norman Cousins

[Ronnie Walker]

I knew I was getting better when ...

1. I fell in love with my current husband and no longer needed Zoloft. (Funny what being in love can do to serotinin. )

2. My daughter signed up for a 500 mile bike ride to raise money for AIDS research ... and I felt moved ... I mean ... I ACTUALLY flew across the country to be in Chicago when she came riding in.

3. I sat ... just watching New Hampshire snow melt off the trees.

4. I held my first grandchild in my arms.

5. I finally gave my self permission to have a great life, even though something so terrible had happened.
_________________
Ronnie Walker, MS, LCPC
Executive Director, Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors

Visit our website at www.forsuicidesurvivors.org

[cityofangels]

1. I decided to live
2. When i could actually hear others
3. i was able to leave the house
4. other things started to worry me
5. i recognised hunger
6. when i cared about something else
_________________
Try to forget you
but without you, I feel nothing
Don't leave me here, by myself,
I can't breathe ......

[WaterLady]

I first noticed I was getting better, after 13 months. The month before and the month after one year was hell. But I should say some things started to change.

1) I wanted Pumkin's to decorate for Fall.

2) I wanted to pick up my walnuts, last year I just mowed them up(I was so
ticked off at the world).

3) I have started calling my friends and family, instead of making them call
me.

4) My food is tasting better(that could be a bad thing). Went to the doctor
and I have gained back five pounds.

5) I still cry daily, but it is not as intense.


This is a very good thread, it makes me realize things are slowly changing.
Wishing everyone a peaceful day.
Hug's
_________________
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

[Ronnie Walker]

Waterlady wrote:

[Tony's Mother]

With me, it did not matter how it tasted. I gained 35 lbs anyway.

Here's another one for me:

I know I'm getting better because I lost the 35 pounds I gained, plus three more.



Linda
_________________
Linda C.
Message Board Steward

Still Tony's mother
November 8th, 1957 - March 4th, 2008

For a moment he took his eyes off the light and the darkness swallowed him.

[WaterLady]

Toney's Mother,

Oh geez, and I thought I was getting better because I gained the five pounds, now I have to wait until I loose it.

1) I know I am getting better because I can joke around every now and
then.

But seriously, I will have to work on that comfort food thing.

A Big Hug to All.
_________________
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

[DAWN HILDERBRAND]

I gues I'm getting better:

I can write to my son and not cry the whole time.
I can smile and laugh more
That lump that's always in your chest, it's not there constantly
I can sit outside and smoke w/out cying
I can have a good day and not feel regret for it[most of the time]
I can actually have a good day
I can be excited about going on the out of darkness walk, usually not excited about much else
I can go get my nails done, that's about the only place I go besides work, otherwise I'm at home or the in-laws

I still can't stay by myself for very long, maybe an hour, but that's better than I was.

So yeah, I guess I'm getting better. Oh and I've stopped screaming and yelling at the family all the time. That's deffiantly better.

It's been a couple of good days this weekend.

Dawn
_________________
http://www.scrapblog.com/viewer/Viewer.aspx?sbid=183022
FEEL FREE TO VIEW MY SONS MEMORIAL PAGE. THIS INCLUDES PICS OF THE JOHN-DUSTIN[SON], ME, EVIE[DAUGHTER(SISTER)], AND HIS DAD AND LITTLE BROTHER

[WaterLady]

Dawn,

It's good to hear from you.
I still have trouble with that lump in the throat thing. I've had it the last two days. Hopefully it will hurry and go away for awhile.
I also get a cough with it. And my throat will get real dry. Big Pain isn't it.
A few steps forward than a dance back every now and then......

Hug's to all today.
_________________
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

[Tony's Mother]

I know I'm better because Bill and I are getting married and we have bought a home together. I'm not up to a wedding party and all that, not without Tony, and not without my Mother, who passed away June 29th. Wish I could show them both the house. But it feels really really really important that I have decided to have a happy life anyway, as Ronnie always says. So we are having a simple civil ceremony, with only my cousin and her husband present. Then next year, God willing, when we are settled in the house, we will have a wedding party and repeat the ceremony for our other children and loved ones.

I can feel Tony's blessings. He loves this, I know.

Linda
_________________
Linda C.
Message Board Steward

Still Tony's mother
November 8th, 1957 - March 4th, 2008

For a moment he took his eyes off the light and the darkness swallowed him.

[WaterLady]

A Big Congrat's Linda,

I am so happy for you. I know your son would want you to be Happy.
A good idea on waiting for a party in the new home. I think it sounds perfect. That is a wonderful accomplishment. I hope some more of us receive good things in our lives, because we so deserve it. God Bless to all today. Hug's
_________________
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

[lina]

What a great idea for a new thread
I know I'm getting better when:
I can sing at the top of my voice while driving again,
I can listen to my grand daughter saying daddy while kissing his picture,and not have to leave the room so she doesn't see me cry ( she's only 2 ),
I can relay jokes I've heard at work
I can do a 3 hour drive by myself

May love and light be with you all today xx
_________________
Steven 17.6.1981 - 25.12.2008
'Rest Easy Son'

Go rest high on that mountain
( Vince Gill )

[Tony's Mother]

Thanks, Tammy.

We married on 11/16/09 and are closing on the house 11/30/09.

Tony would love this place: mountains, lakes, woods... his kind of place.

The day of the wedding Bill cried because Tony would not be there in person. My kind of guy.

I hope all of us continue to get better.
Linda
_________________
Linda C.
Message Board Steward

Still Tony's mother
November 8th, 1957 - March 4th, 2008

For a moment he took his eyes off the light and the darkness swallowed him.